I was reading through Cool Cat's great post on the fact, it seems, according to New York Times, that college students these days would rather have a compliment than a pizza or... get this, sex.
Now, on the surface, I guess I do agree with Cool Cat about the boost we all need (whether as the educated or the educator) to our self-esteems... except that last night as I was heading off, sniffling (got the worst cold and cough ever) I started wondering...
The reason that Pizza is no longer a treat is that it's so accessible.
You can get a pizza anytime day or night. You can buy them at the Supermarket.
I remember, growing up in Antigua, that there was only one Pizza place on the opposite side of the island and it was about a 45 mins drive away. We had to beg and beg Daddy to take us there - maybe he agreed around three times a year and once we got there and got out of the car, we ordered our very own pizzas and cokes... Wow, it was all so incredibly tasty! My mouth even still waters for that particular Pizza though truth be told that nowadays due to all the Carbs+Chemicals, I actually don't eat Pizza very often or even want to... but ah, that Pizza...
Except it's not the Pizza, is it?
It's the longing and the delay in getting what I wanted.
Like Cool Cat, I agree that cheap compliments aren't helpful and that kids can spot a fake however I really wasn't comfortable with her call to give out sincere compliments once every class period/ once a day to a colleague... because the very adding of a time to this makes it a task and not a spontaneous truism.
The point I guess I'm trying to make is that sincere praise takes time and energy and real thought. It must mean something. Compliments shouldn't be abused and made smaller through frequency and over-indulgence.
They should, I reckon, be given out when they say in their subtexts:
I watched you for a while you know and I noticed what you've done and how you improved; You know what, I saw you grow; I saw you change and how you have very much blossomed. You made me proud; I learned from you.
Personally, in general, I'm just not a big fan of people who tell me how great I am, especially if they do this repeatedly, as inevitably (through hard-experience) I know that's what really happening is that they've read and made their bible: How To Win Friends and Influence People and now they've got some kind of warped mental database of standardized compliments which they pay to people - anyone at all - because, pretty much, they're just trying to get something from them.
(And it works (80%?) of the time! )
Oooh!
How cynical is that?
Sorry.
Are we all suckers or is it that as we get older we lose the ability to spot fakes?! :-((.
Also, I tend to find... how do I say this, I tend to find that people who have been over-complimented by parents/ school-friends and then, if having achieved any sort of postion in life (boss, actor, etc)... they can then wind up generally having a very displaced view of themselves, their importance in the world and they can/may use this self-view to abuse others they deem as lesser.
Over-self-esteem is almost as bad as low self-esteem.
Anyway, I'll wrap this post up by saying that I do hope we don't make the next generation of students cynical of compliments by praising them too much, too often, too insincerely only because this sort of research may leave us feeling that we're not good teachers if we don't do it often enough.
I really hope we can be balanced, as some things in life, in my opinion, really should remain worth working for.
Tomorrow, December 17th 2010, is Anti-Bullying Day and as a person who has been, in different life situations,
the victim, the supporter, the hero...
the observer, the bully, the oblivious...
I decided to channel my energy into creating a lesson plan on the subject. I hope you and your students find it interesting and I hope it helps.
1. Tyler Ward's Cover Version of Eminem's No Love
Write the following paragraph on the board or beam on to a whiteboard/IWB:
It's a little too _______ to say that you're ______ now. You kicked me when I was _____ but what you say just don't ______ me, don't hurt me no more. You showed me nothing but ______, you ran me into the _________ but what comes _________ goes _________, what you say just don't hurt me, don't ____ me no more.
Ask your students to guess what the missing words are.
Ask your students to tell you if they know who the original song and singers are.
(Eminem & L'il Wayne). Who are they? Ask what they think the song ís about.
2. Eminem & L'il Wayne: No Love (video)
a. Ask your students to jot down notes while they watch about what they see on the screen – start the music video – make sure to play without sound (very adult lyrics)* (this is a clean version)
((some countries have clean versions of the lyrics available -do a google video search))
b. Ask your students to describe (in as much detail as possible) the story they saw in the video and how it made them feel while watching.
c. Ask students if they think that Eminem or L'il Wayne were ever bullied at school. Were either of them the bullies? Why do they think so?
3. What is Bullying?
Ask students – What is bullying? How does it differ from fist-fighting, verbal abuse or other types of hurtful or angry behaviour?
What factors are usually in place in a situation like the one shown in the video – can we usually tell if someone is being bullied? What happens to people who fight back?
4. Sticks and Stones
(If you have access to real sticks and stones + cards with common insult words put these up on a table in the front of the class.)
Ask students: Is violence always physical? What does the saying Sticks and stones may break my bones but words can never harm me mean?
Get students to push the desks out of the way and create an open space in the centre of your classroom. Take a roll of tape and draw a line through the middle of the room. Make sure to assert that your classroom is now a safe-place and ask for respect to be shown to each other.
(Alternatively you can opt for asking students to remain seated and raise their hands or stand up in place when answering yes.)
Ask students to stand on the line whenever they can answer yes to a question and to stand off the line whenever they want to answer no. No elaborating on questions -simply asking them to step on or off the tape.
*If you're teaching second language learners you may need to clarify some of the vocabulary beforehand.
Stand on the line/ Stand up/ Raise your hand
... if you like listening to music...
" if you have an mp3 player
" if you have an ipod
" if you have an itouch/ ipad/ iphone
" if you have more than 30 albums on your music device
" if you own any rap music
" if you have any albums by Eminem or L'il Wayne
" ~if no one in your family knows about this... :-)
" if you had an argument with anyone in your family this week
" if you had an argument with anyone at school last week
" if you have ever called someone a bad name in private
" if you have ever called someone a bad name in public
" if you have ever been called a bad name in private or public
" if you have ever been hit by anyone else
" if you have ever hit a brother or sister/ friend
" if you have ever hit a someone you didn't know well
" if you have seen someone else hit
" " … and didn't do anything
" " … and reported it to an authority
" " … and hit the person doing the hitting
" " … and waited, then helped the victim
" if you have ever been a friend of someone who hurts people
" if you have ever been a friend of someone who took their own life.
Thank the students for sharing and then get them to help put the desks back in place. Don't talk about the experience or intervene – at this stage - if some students are emotional, allow them to comfort each other.
6. Who feels what?
Hand out the wordle* Who feels what and the activity sheet asking for the emotions of:
The Bully
The Bully's Lieutenants
The Victim
The Victim's Supporters
The Victim's Hero
The Observers
The Oblivious
Switch groups after 10-15 minutes. There are no right or wrong answers. If teaching 2ndLanguage learners, allow dictionaries.
*Depending on your culture and the age-group you're teaching, you will need to make a decision on which wordle to use. One of these includes the phrase sexual thrill and uses harder adjectives.
7. Tell your story
As the teacher, you should now tell a story from your own personal experience (your childhood or that of one of your kids) of either being bullied, watching a bullying experience plus what you did or didn't do or, perhaps, even of being the bully yourself in a specific situation.
It is very important that you share a true personal story rather than something in the news at the moment - if you can - as it will help your students trust you enough to tell their own.
Now ask your students to share a story from their lives: they can write their stories in their blogs or notebooks and make sure that they know that they will not required to share these stories unless they choose to. Stop them after a long enough period has passed and then ask for volunteers of those who would like to share their story publicly: again remind everyone that your classroom is a safe haven today and ask for respect without judgments.
8. Bully Me No More: question cards
Print out enough copies of the card game on coloured paper to create multiple small groups of 3-5 students. Cut the cards and distribute the questions you feel suitable for your age group. Put them face down on the table, the students should turn over the cards and ask each other the questions on them.
9. Write a play
Divide up your class into groups of no less than 6 – 10 students and ask them to script a play about bullying:
Act I: A horrible incident occurs afterschool.
Act II: A school meeting is called to discuss the incident.
Act III: 25 years later, everyone meets at a school reunion.
Who is everyone now? What do they do/ what jobs do they have? What do they talk about?
If the students would like to, get them to choose characters, act it out / film and/or host on YouTube.
10. Follow-Up: Internet Research and Project Work
Post up the following options on the board and ask students to choose which they would like to research on in order to work collaboratively. Students can then use their computers/web2.0 tools to create posters/ prezis/ glogsters/ animotos/ wallwishers/ comic books/ infographics etc.
Bullies throughout history:a timeline
How to: A guide by students to teach teachers how to spot and deal with bullies
What is cyberbullying: how to report, prevent it and stay safe online
Cyberbullying: what stories are in the media today?
How to spot sexual predators (off and online)
Understanding the psychology of the bully / victim/ supporters/ observers
What is defamation of character? Understanding the legal issues of slander and libel.
Please add your thoughts if you enjoyed this lesson plan and you feel like there's something you would like to question, add or say about it - don't worry about perfection or agreeing with me: it's always a pleasure to hear from you and know your own opinions.
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